The subject from the book ” The happiness of the beautiful mind” by Venerable Sayalay Dīpaṅkara.
mettā before samatha and vipassanā
The Buddha taught loving-kindness meditation for the practice of concentration and also for the practice of vipassanā, all these practices are in the framework of sīla, samādhi and paññā.
It is not easy to keep the five precepts without mettā and compassion to all beings. Without mettā to yourself, it is also very difficult to keep the precepts.
When you are kind to yourself and know how to take care and love yourself, you will also take care of your kamma.
If you love yourself, then you want to practise, you want to train your mind to be good. It is simple, very simple yet complicated. As it is important to practise sīla, mettā is also very important.
You may already know that there are forty meditation objects in the practice for concentration or samādhi.
The practice of the four brahma vihāra refers to the practice of mettā, karuṇā, muditā and upekkhā, i.e. loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy and equanimity.
In the practice of loving-kindness, The Buddha taught us, as a first step to send mettā to the four types of persons. The first type of person we send mettā to is ourselves. We need to practise until peaceful feeling arises, until we get mettā feeling in our heart, from our mind, from our intention. This is very important. This is the reason why we need to take care of ourselves.
The second type of person we send mettā to at the beginning, is to someone of the same gender whom we respect. We think of the person-and then send mettā to the person. This second type of person can also refer to a few persons or a group of people we really respect.
The third type of person is the neutral person. These are persons that are neither our friends nor our enemies. The fourth type of person is the enemy. Or we may call them unfriendly persons.
So, beginning the practice with ourselves, we send mettā to ourselves as a protection. It is very important, as we need to have a peaceful mind and a healthy body.
How then do we give ourselves this peaceful mind, free from mental suffering, free from danger?
We need to understand the meaning of the words and the intention, not just ‘going through the ritual’ of chanting, “May I be free from danger…may I be free from danger…” Repeating the words alone will not give you the feeling of peace, the freedom from mental suffering or from danger. You need a contemplative mind, to be able to feel the peace and freedom from mental suffering.
Happy or Unhappy
From the time we are delivered from our mother’s womb, life is either happy or unhappy. We call the unhappy time ‘suffering’, do we call the happy time ‘suffering’? Do we think we are suffering when we are happy? Do we think this way? When life is good and comfortable, we forget about suffering.
But The Buddha taught otherwise. Rebirth means either human birth, or existence in some other realm. With life comes rebirth, ageing and death. This we call life. We go from one lifetime to another.
Rebirth, ageing and death-all are suffering. Being happy or not happy is later. Suffering is when you have body and mind.
Sometimes you feel happy, other times unhappy. When you are unhappy, you contemplate there is so much pain in your body and mind. When you feel life is suffering, you want to be free fromsuffering. When times are good, you are happy, you will forget about yourself and about your life, and think that ‘everything is ok’.
That is why The Buddha taught that even when there is happiness, you need to practise vipassanā. You need to contemplate that happiness is also impermanent, that it cannot last.
Happiness after a while will also disappear. Happiness forever is very difficult to find. So, whether happy or unhappy, but mostly during time of suffering, we want to be free from suffering.
We do not want a difficult suffering body or a suffering mind. We want to be free from mental and physical suffering. We want to be happy, to have a good life, to be free from danger. This is the reason we need to take care of our mind. With understanding and intention, we want to protect ourselves.
The intention to take care, to want to be free from danger, we call that the sending of mettā. The intention to send mettā, it is done not only when you are sitting, not only during meditation, and not only in the hall. Where else do you go to practise? The answer is everywhere. Everywhere-in the room, in the meditation hall, the walking paths, inside and outside the compound, dining hall-you practise mettā. Everywhere you go it is better to have a contemplating mind.
Except if you are contemplating on the breath, otherwise try to do mettā. If you know how to contemplate, you can also join the practice of mettā and breathing together.
Is it not good and safe if you can do that? Isn’t it good to be free from danger and mental suffering? But it is important that we have pure intention.
Pure Intention
We ourselves need to take care of ourselves and be peaceful all the time. Then we consider, “How about my friends, those whom I respect and all other meditators? They too may be suffering, sometimes physically, sometimes mentally. So, I also want them to be free from suffering, physically and mentally.”
That intention we call mettā. Whoever you look at, “Oh, I want to send mettā, I want the person to be peaceful, to be happy. I want everyone in this room to be happy.” Is such intention good?
With such good intention would you still have enemies? We do not want enemies, only friends-good friends, good brothers and sisters. The energy is very good, very peaceful. Everyone has happy feeling.
With this understanding and good intention, you will want to treat everyone like how you will treat yourself. You feel for them, you want to do things for them and you want to associate with them.
You will ask yourself, how would the other person feel if I were to think about the person like this? How about the way I speak? Am I speaking suitably?
How about the way I act, am I acting suitably? How does the other person feel? This is all very important not just saying may the other person be free from danger. When you want to make people happy, when you try to cause good understanding and good feeling then you are really helping people.
People feel happy when you help them. When everyone in one compound or in a room is happy with their environment then only will they live happily with one another.
mettā, is when someone is happy because of you, then you are really sending mettā, to the person. mettā, is not just chanting Karaṇīya Mettā Sutta.
It is not enough to know the theory. We need to put the theory into practice. Only then will we get beneficial results.
Causes and effects will happen naturally. Also, no one is perfect, we are all following The Buddha’s teaching, practising the Dhamma, trying our best to be good in our daily lives. We are training and training ourselves to be good not to be bad.
kamma Follows You
It is good kamma when you train to be good and bad kamma when you train to be bad. Bad kamma will lead you to a bad place.
A bad place means a place of suffering, good kamma will lead to heaven and enjoyment. Whether you go to a good or bad place depends on your kamma. Remember that kamma is made by your intention, your mind and your attitude.
khanti means patience and mettā is based on khanti. A person without patience has a lot of anger which makes it difficult to cultivate mettā. mettā and anger are opposites.
It is very difficult to attain a peaceful mind when there are constant feelings of unhappiness, anger and dissatisfaction. When you are angry, do you feel peaceful? Have you experienced this before? Do you have angry feeling? Are you happy when you are angry? So, what happens when you are angry?
Violence may arise. The heart palpitates very fast. The face becomes red and black, the mind becomes agitated which in turn affects the thinking process. The angry energy is no good for you and others. People who associate with you will be scared by your anger and run away. So be very careful.
The Buddha always encourages the practice of ‘appamādena sampādetha’. That means you have to be mindful. Without mindfulness, we get attacked by unwholesome thoughts and the five hindrances.
Patience
You should try to forgive small mistakes, cultivate patience because when there is patience you do not get angry easily and there is no feeling of suffering.
Patience is very important. Have patience with yourself and with others, for example, your roommates. When you see someone doing wrong, try to forgive. No one is perfect, we are all trying.
Do not look at others’ mistakes all the time. We are living together, people from different families, different backgrounds, different characters, all coming together.
Unless we forgive and are patient with one another, we will encounter many problems. Teaching is not tiring, but solving problems is very tiring.
Can you forgive each other and love each other like friends, like a brother or sister? Look out for one another. Share mettā with each other. I want to take care of all of you. I try to make sure you get good food even though we only serve vegetarian meals here, but we try our best.
This is our intention. I try my best to be good all the time. The workers here are also taught to try to be good, they will have good kamma because the students are meditating and practising the Dhamma.
There is good energy in the kitchen. The kitchen workers are united, happy. There is no feeling of unhappiness or unease or tiredness.
No one complains because there is mettā in our hearts towards all of you. We have been cleaning and mopping, again and again, days before your arrival. We want your accommodations to be clean and dust-free, and we want your stay to be happy and peaceful. We are very happy to welcome all of you.
This is mettā. Cleaning up for your roommate is also mettā. So is tidying the garden, sweeping the road and the floor.
When you clean the room, sweep the floor and tidy up the garden, it is with your good intention that people who use these places would then feel peaceful and happy.
People can feel the good energy and happy feeling because of mettā. So do not get upset when you do gardening or sweeping the floor.
Certain meditators who are used to having things done for them at home may feel upset because they have to do everything for themselves here like sweeping and washing their own plates after a meal. If you do not want to wash then do not eat because then there is no plate to wash.
A student may say, “I have to wash my plate. I have to wash my clothes, gardening. I have to do it all.” You may not be happy with me. If you are ‘not unhappy’ with me then you have a lot of mettā.
Yes, we try our best to send mettā to all students. During interview a few days ago, a student told me directly that of the many meditation centres she had been to, this was the worst. All the others were very good.
She complained about the centre and the long-term resident students. She felt the latter were rather egoistic. My reply was this centre and many things here are not perfect.
For me the centre is ok. I try my best to take care of all the students. The centre cannot be likened to a hotel. All of us here are still practising. We are not arahant, so mistakes can be expected.
I also cannot take care of other people’s minds all the time. Everyday I try my best to be mindful, very mindful, but sometimes the students are not mindful. If a student is not good, who will people blame?
People will come to me and tell me directly this centre is not good and ask why the people who live here are like this or like that.
So, what can I say other than to practise patience and to forgive? I forgive everyone. Whoever is happy and wants to stay can stay. If one is unhappy and wants to go home, please leave. Since I have tried my best, this is the only way.
If I want to, I can make it luxurious for all student meditators here, but I do not want to do that because we have to concentrate on the Dhamma.
Everyone in the kitchen has been taking care of everyone. We are not perfect cooks. We never attended cooking courses. But when we came here, we had to learn how to cook.
I only started to learn how to cook after my ordination. I have been travelling and teaching meditation the whole year and did not do any cooking anywhere.
When I am back here, I start to learn how to cook all over again. We tried our best to take care of everyone. If student meditators still want to complain there is nothing I can do except to forgive them. I have tried my best. I cannot take care of other people’s minds.
I just want everybody to be happy. If you are not happy, you can go back today. My answer is if you want to be happy and want to stay, you can stay.
I practise a lot of mettā and compassion for people. I am happy for anyone who can make progress and who is happy.
I do not have a jealous mind, I am very happy if a student can be better than I am. I share whatever knowledge I have, I do not hold back knowledge.
I want to teach whatever I can understand. I am happy when a student can be better than me, why should I be jealous? Life is so short, we stay for only a short time and then take our leave and go our way.
I do not get angry or unhappy when people blame me or scold me, truly. I practise equanimity, upekkhā.
When I started teaching twenty years ago, I had a lot of attachment to the students. I wanted them to get good results, to be perfect. When they cannot get good results, I scolded them.
I pushed them a lot. When the students took me to the airport, I cried and the students also cried. There was a lot of suffering.
With understanding of suffering, I learned to let go, to practise equanimity. When people said the centre is good or bad, my mind accepts and lets go.
I just want to share with you the way it is. I need to stress that our intention is really pure. Our intention is to practise and support the Dhamma and for you to stay here peacefully.
Daily we have been trying with pure intention, so do not be mistaken about our intention, as it may be harmful for you. We know for ourselves our pure intention. We are not scared that people will blame us.
I know what I am doing and why I have to do it. It is not important whether I am respected or not, because I do not take it to heart. I want to explain so that people do not create bad kamma for themselves because of me.
I have explained my position. We do everything with a very pure heart. So anyone who is not happy and who wishes to leave, may do so anytime. If there is no one around, I can meditate by myself. The centre is big and comfortable.
I can walk around, meditate and be happy. I am not upset nor do I have any bad feeling. I am happy to welcome you and should you choose to leave, I am happy too.
Now you know the reason why we need to take care of our mind. I try not to be an enemy of anyone. So whether I am blamed or scolded, it is all right.
Blame
If two persons have mettā for each other, or there is mettā with one another, there are no angry thoughts and everything feels ok. You will also not blame others easily.
Try to understand one another. Only then will you feel peace. I see suffering in all of you sometimes, is it because you cannot let go of your self-importance?
When you are full of yourself, you may think you have wealth, you have such and such. It is because of your `haves’ that you have problems. Without so many ‘haves’ you are free.
Teacher vs Teaching
Do you know why I do not want to be a teacher? Or do you know why I do not like to be a teacher?
I want to share the Dhamma, I do not want to think of myself as a teacher. The reason is that I do not want to get too much ego, behaving like a teacher. Teachers have certain ways about them.
They think everyone is their student. And they want everybody to become their students. That is the problem.
They even try to treat their husbands like their students. There are many teachers here. They can tell me if what I said is correct. That is why I do not want to be a teacher.
It is suffering. You cannot imagine how much I have suffered. I will die if I am placed in a room with another teacher.
When I see two people fighting, I just smile. That is because they are like young children fighting with one another over something they want and cannot get.
I do not feel anything. The smile is in my heart. Such people will stop fighting when they are tired or when the time is right. How long can they fight-whole life, every twenty-four hours? So just watch. Mostly, I just want you to watch yourself.
mettā is very beautiful. For meditators to have beautiful intention towards one another, they must want to care for each other, to offer help when it is needed. This is beautiful mind which we call mettā and also good kamma.
With so much mettā and no anger you can easily concentrate on your meditation object as soon as you sit down to meditate. mettā brings happiness to your meditation.
When you are not happy, you can be sitting for one whole hour, forty minutes, fifty minutes and not be aware of your breath. You are so angry in your mind and complain and complain that you cannot even find your meditation object.
So, take care of your mind. We send mettā to the four types of people until all, like you, also equally send mettā. We can practise 528 types of mettā towards different kinds of people.
You can send mettā to all beings, different kinds of beings. There are different kinds of beings such as devā, humans, animals, etc..
Before you start to practise ānāpānasati, you could say with intention, I would like to send mettā to all who live in this universe. I want everybody to be peaceful, to be free from danger not only in my centre, but everywhere.
You can send mettā to anyone, anywhere in the world. You can send mettā to far distances. If your mettā is powerful, it can be received and can even be felt.
Whoever is receiving your mettā can see your image at the time you are sending mettā. For this reason radiating mettā is very powerful.
We can apply vipassanā based on loving-kindness meditation. We can practise loving-kindness until third jhāna and contemplate with vipassanā on each type of beings. With jhāna, we can then contemplate on that person deeply.
At the beginning you want the person to be free from danger. At the same time you also contemplate the Dhamma that one day this person will age, get sick and will die.
Although we want the person to be happy and peaceful, we also have to think of the nature of this life, that it is also impermanent. Sometimes mettā can cause a lot of attachment.
mettā with vipassanā
After sending mettā to this person, use vipassanā knowledge to understand so as not to become attached. Should anything happen, you can easily let go.
The Buddha explained that mettā, compassion and equanimity need to be balanced. Sometimes, parents have great love towards their children. Is that pure love? Pure love has no attachment. If there is attachment, it is greed. It is then not pure love. Parents’ love for their children-is that pure love or not?
Parents have good intention. They worry about their children with too much attachment. Their children have to be perfect compared with other children. There is too much attachment. Parents think only of their own children.
Too much worry is not so good. You can become so attached even to the extent of sacrificing your life for your children.
This is very strong attachment and it is dangerous. Pure mettā cannot be mixed with attachment. This care with mettā is encouraged by The Buddha.
Sometimes we need to contemplate and understand that no matter how much we love our husband, our children, one day we all have to separate. It is very important to understand this.
You want your children to get good results at examinations. You become unhappy when your children did not get the results you wanted. You become angry with your children. This is not good for you. You need to contemplate about kamma also.
You cannot push too hard all the time, always wanting perfection. You need to contemplate about the nature of kamma and the impermanent nature of what is happening.
You can then accept any condition, including the suffering and pain caused by your children. In this way we need to practise equanimity and not be attached to anybody.
Then only will you feel more peaceful and not harm yourself because of attachment. If you are attached to your family, when the time comes for separation, you have a lot of suffering and unhappiness.
When your family members become sick, you feel a pain in your heart, because you do not want to be separated from your family. You have to understand that not wanting to be separated because of attachment is suffering. From mettā we can continue with vipassanā, letting go of attachment.
With the foundation of concentration, samatha and vipassanā, joining together, you will see and act truthfully.
Because your vipassanā is based on mettā, the resultant is wisdom. You will know how to let go of things. As your vipassanā arises because of mettā, you may be able to see the truth of things in this relationship. Do you understand?
Being truthful will give you good kamma. Because of your intention to send mettā, that energy will ensure you do not have any enemy wherever you go. People will also trust you.
Who will trust you when you do not have mettā and are always creating a lot of problems? People will also not trust what you say or what you do. Truthfulness comes from your mettā.
People will like you as soon as they look at you or make contact with you. Whether they are near or far away, wherever you go because you have been sending mettā, people will be kind to you. That is because you have been communicating and contacting each other with mettā. When you meet each other for the first time, the other person feels good, feels happy to communicate with you.
Whether you have good or bad feeling, it can be easily felt by the other person. So even meeting for the first time, you can easily communicate with the person. One can see this through that person’s action and speech.
From then on you can communicate. People meeting you for the first time, they feel good, they like you and want to help you.
If your speech and action are not so good, also people will not like it, this might be your own kamma.
In the past you have been talking and acting in the same way. It is not easy to change. You have become used to acting in a certain way. Those actions will always stay with you.
Life after life, when people look at your behaviour, they might not be happy. Then you ask why people do not like you? We need to contemplate ourselves. I had been asked by people why others do not like them.
We cannot always blame others for not liking us. We have to take care of our mind, we need to check ourselves. When people blame me over something, I check myself. Is it my action or is it my speech that is not right?
When you realise the reason why people blame or criticise you, then you need to change for the good. We cannot tell people to change. We need to take care of our mind and slowly we try to change ourselves.
This is also meditation. The Buddha also taught.
In the Maṅgala Sutta, The Buddha explained how to live, how to take care of our mind, how to behave, all very important for meditators.
Support Practice
We will hold May retreat in Japan but they said there was a prediction that a strong earthquake may take place at the area where we usually hold retreats. They asked if I am scared to go to Japan, whether I still wanted to come to Japan? So I asked them back whether they still wanted the retreat at the same place. They replied that they were waiting, if I go the retreat is on.
I told them I will be there, that we will die together. I will definitely come and not run away from that earthquake.
So if I am still alive next year, if our kamma is still there, then I will come here again. Otherwise there will be no more retreat next year. Although it is dangerous in Japan I will still go there.
Many years ago at the time of the SARS outbreak, there were very few people at the airport. Singapore airport was very quiet; I was the only person walking around.
But I did not care, I went to Japan. In Japan, nobody wants to go out, they were all very scared. But I carried on with the meditation retreat. Why do we need to be scared? If it is your kamma to die, even if you stay at home, you will also die.
They were very happy I was going to come in spite of the danger. At the beginning, they did not want to gather, over one hundred people in one room. But because they were interested and wanted to listen to the Dhamma they forgot about SARS.
They felt very happy because of my presence and support at this dangerous time. I told them it is quite alright if the earthquake comes because we will die together and die happy as we will be practising meditation.
I am not scared to die at any place. I told them not to bring my corpse back to Myanmar, not to bring back anything, neither ashes nor bones. They can be thrown anywhere.
Attachment
This is freedom, is it good or not good? I have no attachment to house or centre. My students know I have stayed here over six years. Once the retreat finishes either today or tomorrow, I will leave this place. I told them the centre does not belong to me but it belongs to all of you. I am only providing monetary support. Whoever stays behind will have to look after the centre. I trust them because they are very good, I do not call back.
Although I am not here, they take care of this place. We trust each other in this way. So everywhere I go I am peaceful. Anywhere we die also, we are happy and peaceful.
So do not have too much attachment. I want to offer my life in this way. I explain all this to you because I also want you to be like this.
When you are at a meditation retreat and die at the retreat, you must die happy. There is no need to worry if you die at Brahma Vihārī. I will give you a place to stay. We have planted many trees. At least you will get one tree.
We will put your name under the tree. Is it good to die here? If you always think of home, wanting to go home, that is attachment. Do you understand?
This attachment will not help you in your meditation, it will disturb your meditation object and your progress. Everywhere is your home, do not look back.
When you look back that is attachment. You love your own place, your property. And when you stay here, you think of your bank account, your business. There are too many things in your mind and that is the reason you cannot concentrate.
Keep your mind on meditation and nothing else, make your mind empty. Take care of your mind and practise continuously. sādhu! sādhu! sādhu!
One last point, I want all of you to be happy; do not be unhappy and uncomfortable with one another. Be friends. Be like a family, and everyone is a brother or sister.
Forget about what happened yesterday, let it go. Tomorrow we all are good friends and like sisters. Can you let go? Can you let go of the unwholesome?
Let go of all the unwholesome feelings, dislikes, and unhappiness. Do not keep anger inside your heart. Forgive and be happy. We all are like sisters.
Today you quarrel. Tomorrow must try to make up. The same is true for husbands and wives; otherwise they may end up divorced. For here, there must be friendship. It is best to have a good relationship. Even if you do not want to, try for my sake. Try to be nice, it is better to be nice.
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